Now. And Then?

This song is pretty juvenile, I apologize, I wrote it along time ago. But I guess that's part of it all, and it needs to be heard. This reflects some of the pain of being sexually exploited by a pastor, the feelings of abandonment, both by the clergy, and by God. Judging by this stain-glass, it seems like pastors never could keep their hands off their children.



You know me, can see through me
But can't you see what you do to me?
You call and I yield when
All I want is to be free from you
And the shame that lacerates my heart when you are gone
And I know, it isn't me you want.

But it could be I'm just not ready for you now
And thenm, I wasn't ready for you.

My silent disconsent echoes loudly all the same
But God don't send angels to help a girl who can't pronounce his name.
And I know, I should not complain
Against the One, who with one word
Could take away this pain.

But it could be, He's just not ready for me now
And then, He wasn't ready for me.

How could I have known the road that I chose
Would land me in this sinkhole?
Shouldn't I have known before I took off
That You'd leave me flying solo?
How do I know that this path
Isn't one I've crawled before?
When will I know how to find the light
That leads me home?

It could be I'm just not ready for this now.
And then, who could be ready for this?